| im so dumb sometimes! |
[09 Jan 2006|11:37pm] |
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mood |
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 pensive |
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music |
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two weeks in hawaii |
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SO, i havnt written in this in a really long time.. but I have a lot of shit on my mind... I love Ashley a lot.. like seriously, i can see spending the rest of my life with this girl.. which is wierd b/c ive said stupid stuff like that before, but ive never REALLY meant it.. like.. Hawaii and ish, that woulda been cool, but it didnt really stick in my head... it was just in and then out.. but Having a life with Ashley, and growing old with her, and being a family and ish, it means a lot to me.. it scares me to think that it MITE not happen.. ya know? And i scew up a lot.. and i wanna stop.. i wanna be perfect for her.. she has NO faith in me doing that once so ever.. but its true... i hate it a lot. I hate that i hurt her being stupid... i let things influence me that i shouldnt. and thats the truth. I shouldnt care about what my friends wanna do and ish... i mean.. well sometimes but... some decisions i needa make better. just want us to be better... she loves me so much, and she thinks shes just another notch on the belt.. and shes NOT.. shes my life, shes my everything... id kill someone for her.. and thats not a lie... i had a whole life consumed of meaningless, stupid shit... and all of a sudden i have this beautiful person, who herself has made plenty of mistakes, now consuming my life... and its not meaningless and i dont know how to handle it. I dont have to try to love her, I just love her... Its just love.. im in love with her... like woah inlove with her... she makes my head spin and sometimes when im with her i hafta catch my breath b/c im so overwhelmed... and ive fucked up so much, that she doesnt even know it.. she has no idea... and i hate my self for that... I just wanna be perfect for her.. i wanna be all shell ever need... b/c shes all ill ever need.. for the rest of my life, shell be the only person ill want to touch me, or kiss my lips.. b/c thats what feels right... when i kiss people, i have this thing with timing.. and how much and blah blah blah, and when i kiss Ashley it just happens, i dont have to plan NE THING.. and it feels nice. Its just natural.. We're perfect when i think about it... if it wasnt for mistakes we've made and being dumb, we're perfect... we look good together, we make eachother happy, we compliment eachother..and when we cuddle, we just fit perfectly... Ive pretended to love people my whole life, with the exception of two people, and now that ive finally found someone that I TRULY LOVE and that actually loves me back... and shows it.. and lets me know... i love that... and idk.. i have a lot of jumbled thoughts.... and no one will prolly read this.. but.. i just dont wanna be a screw up ne more.. i want all my stupid shit that ive done to just go away and i wanna be perfect for her... thats all i want.. i wanna be her pefect girl friend... that she KNOWS loves her... and that she knows wants to be with her forever...
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| so |
[19 Jul 2005|08:05pm] |
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So its been a while, but right now im crying and i cant stop and i couldnt even really tell u why. :-\ im just really sad and pissy today. I want my Mommy. And H E R. and my friends. ACTUALLY, this all started after basketball practices.. i was gonna go see her but NO... you were going somewhere. ruined my whole damn day. and im just really sad and want my friends. the end
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| woah |
[01 Jun 2005|03:11pm] |
Your #1 Love Type: ENFP | The Inspirer
In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond.
For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate.
Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner.
However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad.
Best matches: INTJ and INFJ |
so true
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| booooooring |
[01 Jun 2005|03:06pm] |
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so bored... bout to call nichole.. blah blah blah the usual daily thing. what can i say? shes muh best friend :-p staying at the step moms tonite.. woopdy doo :-p peace biotches
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| basically |
[01 Jun 2005|03:05pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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its always quiet when im at my dads |
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Your Seduction Style: The Natural |
You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.
Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast. |
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| uh huh |
[31 May 2005|04:56pm] |
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mood |
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 how bout im a happy kid |
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music |
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its really quiet in my dads house |
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So basically... I just ate taco bell and i feel SO GOOD! :-) yeth! basically. I saw Felicia... and well i hafta say it was really awekward... i guess she was right.. we're just not a part of eachothers lifes ne more. wierd. anygay. chillin at my dads! ive been havin to much fun with Ducky and Tiff and chuck and just everyone. :-) sucha a good summer. and i dont have a job so im kinda a loser. and.. just YES! what a wonderfull life. and id just like everyone to know, that i dont smoke pot ne more. :-) uh huh. uhm.. ne thing else? uhhhhhh??? nope. nothing. OH YA my step mom cheated on my dad for OVER a year. I thought gettin cheated on by someone for a couple months was bad... but my dads WIFE for OVER a year... seriously... </3 breaks my heart... l a m e! BIG L! annnnnnd im done :-)
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| ay ay ay |
[24 May 2005|09:35pm] |
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mood |
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 SUCK IT |
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music |
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HOOK |
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YO YO.. me and jenn are sittin in her room watching HOOK how bout i fuckin love that movie.
Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland,
Went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line.
I drove you to your house where we stared up at the stars. I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms. We hung out at the rainbow where we drank til' half past two. Nothing could go wrong anytime that I'm with you. <3
i really liked that :-) it just made me happy :-) YES! TOMORROW IS THE LAST FUCKIN DAY OF SCHOOL. halla luja! but i think i failed geometry so... that kinda sucks :-( jenn just goes " your doing it peter. now go suck a cow titty" lmao.. wow that was really funny. okay ne ways. imma be a ball and BOUNCE nugga! :-P cause im that ghetto gangsta!
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| how bout im bringing it back |
[26 Apr 2005|06:10pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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nuffin |
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He He How bout i brought it back to life? :-) im so cool ! my dad is singing and leaving :-( hates it. Anygay. I dont have ne thing to write! cause im L A M E ! he he
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| This Is It. |
[28 Feb 2005|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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 Fuck All This Shit |
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music |
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my mimi and mommy talking |
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This is all i got... I'm deleting this journal... cause its GAY. So... ya. have fun with this last ol' journal entry.
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| woo its been a while |
[18 Feb 2005|12:23pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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my mimi and mommy talking |
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So its been a really long time since ive updated this stupid thing but im just no online much ne more. Kinda dumb of me i guess but.. i just dont feel like it. But, ya ive been doing pretty good. i got my license and im having a lot of fun driving. im applying at shoe carnival today :-) uh how bout i love that. lol And ive been chillin with good ol' Nichole some lately. Shes muh best friend :-) I miss Felicia.. Me and her used to be like inseperable but now... its just not like that. we dont even really talk ne more. I read that she doesnt have anything to look forward too. except Brandie.. but i guess a lil something is better than nothing. Im gonna stop in and see her at work today :-) I think we're hanging out tonite. should be fun. alrite tho, im gonna go. i hope everyone is being happy and shit. mucho love to everyone. :-)
Megan
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| ok |
[11 Feb 2005|02:23pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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Step By Step |
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So, I went to the Drs today and they gave me medicine for this stupid cough i have so :-) that makes me happy. And i got this whole car situation worked out so that i dont hafta go with my dads gay rules! and thats good. And i think Felicia thinks that theres shit with me and nichole. but theres not.. like in all honesty... :-\ and i hate it a lot. My mimi is giving me 25 million ?s and i hate that a lot too so im just gonna go. maybe ill take a shower cause i look like shit right now. BAM
Lil Wing <3
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| AH |
[11 Feb 2005|06:51am] |
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mood |
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cranky |
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music |
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what i thought was a certainty has left me in circles again |
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I got kicked offline last nite... and then those tylenol PMs kicked in... and i was spent like.. i didnt even care about the gay ol' internet.. i was just passing the fuck out!!!! YES! I got nothin to write in here really. felicia came over last nite and i was just a pretty big jerk the whole time... :-\ I never wanna be a jerk to her but for some reason last nite was my jerk nite.. So when u read this Felicia, im sorry lol . I didnt mean ne thing by it. just.. jerk nite :-\ lol I think everyones had a few. or a couple at that. i cant wear flip flops to school today :-( my mommy said its too cold. :-( bastard! ne ways.. im outty 5000. Im so tired. i hate colds and coughing.
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| ew |
[10 Feb 2005|07:08am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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southern girl - incubus |
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What a shitty nite i had last nite. Started off good, Felicia dropped me off at my Mimis.. My dad picked me up, we went to get my car from the shop because he had some stuff fixed and w.e brought it back to his house, went to chilis and me and my dad just argued and bumped heads ALL NITE. and he told me i HAVE to go to school on Monday if i want my car... and just a bunch of bull shit :-\ THEN i get home.. and NIchole and I get in yet another fight... and i hate that a lot because shes probably one if not my best friend.. and i hate fighting.. Then Felicia calls me tellin me shes going over to Roberts.. so im sure she got REALLY fucked up last nite.. and i hate that a lot b/c... well i just do. I just hate it a lot. :-\ But... Nichole gets her lisence today so i wish her good luck.. even tho she has a waver :-p lol but im tired as shit.. i didnt sleep at all last nite. i had these dreams that there was like... a lot of people in one room, and we were all just FIGHTING, like verbally. and everyone was screaming and just it wasnt good. W/e.. im outty 5000 peace nigs.
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[10 Feb 2005|03:58am] |
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mood |
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scared |
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music |
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silence |
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its 4 in the morning, and i cant sleep.
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| uh oh |
[08 Feb 2005|04:48pm] |
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mood |
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 never good enough |
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music |
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I wanna LIVE- Josh Gracin |
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IM sleepy, and i have a stuffy nose and a sore throat. :-( lol but im not gonna complain NE MORE :-) cause well i dont really care about it to be honest. The person who got me sick was worth it so. whatever. My day was alrite. Took the Fcat Writing bull shit. woo hoo for FCAT. Woo Hoo For me. woo hoo for school :-p Daniel broke my computer chair the other nite :-( jerk face. i wrote these two poems yesterday.. and like i wanna put them in here, but i think someone or pepole might take them the wrong way. so i think im just gonna put them in here but on private. ;-) Uh Huh. peace nigs
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| WOO HOO |
[07 Feb 2005|06:44pm] |
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mood |
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 surprised |
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music |
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DO YOU? ill keep it on the low do u? do u? |
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MAN i just liften 10 more pounds than i ususally do and my arms are SO shaky. like.. AH lol i love dit a lot tho. im gettin STRONGER :-) okay i just wanted to share that with EVERYONE.
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| WoOt |
[07 Feb 2005|05:18pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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one call away |
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U could roll with me.. if u was muh laday
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| AH |
[07 Feb 2005|05:38am] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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tonite. |
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SO i havnt been sober like FULLY since..... Friday at school. And right now, its 6:40 AM on Monday Morning, and felicia and veronica are laying in my bed lol And.. i didnt go to sleep until.. 4:30 and im really happy. Im gonna be really fuckin sad when i hafta be at school today but. lol itll be aight cause.. i had a really good nite. I mighta set my self up for something stupid.. again.. but RIGHT NOW, it feels good. And thats how im gonna live this day... RIGHT NOW. Not Tomorrow, or two weeks from now.. but R I G H T now. but im gonna go. FOOD :-) <33
So Many things... So complicated. :-\ * sighs *
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| YAY |
[06 Feb 2005|05:06pm] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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in thos jeans! :-) |
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i Havnt been completely sober since.... Thursday and i love it a lot. I have no fuckin worries. and i love my life. even my neck feels better. :-)
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